French footballers, that is.As if palming the ball into the net to cheat Ireland out of a World Cup final place was not ignominy enough, the French national soccer team appear to be grasping for ever greater shame.Two of their most prominent players have just been questioned by police over allegations that they may have slept with underage prostitutes.Or, as we call them in the civilised world, children.Anonymous footballer's defence? The all-time classic (well, it worked here in Ireland and we're still waiting for the corrective surgery on the constitution), "I thought she was older."I wonder how old he thought she was. Older than 27 year old married Muslim Franck Ribery? Older than 30 year old Sidney Govou, father to a five year old girl?The age of consent in France is, incidentally,...
I've learnt quite a bit this week.Apparently, 'Rhino-dating' is what happens during speed-dating nights when you sit down opposite someone of the opposite sex and they spend the entire three minutes criticising your clothes and ranting about how brilliant they are, then at the end of the night they collar you on the way out the door for some abuse, because they're shocked you didn't choose to see them again.I've been rhino-dated by the Irish service sector this week, and it wasn't too pleasant.There was the fuel firm who took my money, promising me my heat within 24 hours, 48 max. It took them five days to get around to delivering to me in the end.And that was only after I had to call them daily, have others call them daily, and even threaten to sue for my money back. And on the rare...
Twenty Major reckons the obligatory pension (translation: more tax) is his tipping point. He's leaving if it's implemented.I couldn't blame him.I'd do it myself if my circumstances permitted it. After all, when the rats are leaving the ship, why should the hard-pressed crew remain as the tide rises above the neck?The bankers have fled to their hidey-holes in Spain or Canada already. The cabinet are bailing out one by one.Why stay to pay for their mistakes, their incompetence and yes, their crimes?If you can, go. No one will thank you for remaining behind, except of course the aforementioned bankers (whose debts you'll pay) or the aforementioned politicians (whose pensions your 'pension levy' will fund).There's a really simple choice here - stay and get shafted, stay and fight back, or...
The name Darius Guppy probably doesn't provoke much recognition in Ireland, even though he lived her for some time.A brief precis of his life thus far might run: privileged schooling at Eton, followed by more of the same at Oxford where he chummed around with top Tories David Cameron and Boris Johnson as part of the odious Bullingdon society, followed by his father's spectacular bankrupcy, which in turn led to Guppy Jr scamming Lloyds insurance to make up for the cash he believed Lloyds had stolen from his family.Guppy was caught, prosecuted and jailed, then vanished into obscurity on release, firstly in Ireland and latterly in South Africa.In short, he's the sort of rum bloke that the British aristocracy churn out all the time - the well-spoken crook.But he's no fool and no idiot. And...
A week on from screaming headlines all over the globe, what are we to make of the anti-immigrant pogroms in Belfast?It made for perfect headlines for the world's media. To the outside eye, the North of Ireland has always resembled a boiling pot of irrational hatred and sectarianism.Logic dictates that if these neanderthals are prepared to kill each other, despite sharing language, culture, skin colour and a God, what wouldn't they do to foreigners?And that's what we got, all over the world, last week. Endless handwringing articles about a 'return to hatred', hectoring PC sermons from fingerwagging commentators in other countries, multiculturalism 'experts' warning ominously about the slide toward Nazism.It always helps to return to the facts, and on this occasion, they didn't really get...
Fair play to the boys in blue. Perhaps they aren't all the keystone cops and corrupt Donegal shysters I took them for, after all.Last night, some scumbags tried to break into my house. I heard them before they got in, thankfully, and warned them off, calling the plod for good measure.While I waited in the darkened house, mobile in one hand and huge knife in the other, watching the shitheads trying to make their next move, the local Gardai arrived within a mere fifteen minutes.By that stage, the cunts had fucked off to try some house that didn't have an irate, awake Northerner with a huge knife in it, but the plod took a description, had a word with another neighbour whose gaff they'd tried to break into, and circled the neighbourhood for a good hour looking for them.I don't know if they...
We all know that Michael O'Leary's reign of terror has led to a complete breakdown in the concept of customer service in air travel.Ryanair's business model includes cramming so many seats on a plane as to make them utterly uncomfortable for anyone but a midget to sit in. It also involves charging people extortionate taxes and additional levies for 'luxury extras' like baggage and wheelchairs.They are known in the aviation industry as 'Ryanscare - a fright with every flight' for their fast and loose attitudes to safety procedures during their terrifyingly short turnarounds at poorly equipped regional airports.And their policy of blaring adverts for crap like scratchcards during red-eye flights is definitely going to result in some sleep-deprived passenger assaulting staff one of these...