... floating in the North Korean sky.This is a really beautiful news story.It answers a question I had posed to myself in 2001, walking around the heavily policed Tiananmen Square, when it was announced that Beijing would host the Olympic games just past.I remember thinking, as I scrutinised the secret police scrutinising me back, that the story of the Olympics in Beijing was going to be less about China opening up to the world and more about China closing down the usual global coverage of the games.I couldn't see otherwise, unless there was a regime change in the interim. On the net, behind the great Firewall of China, you couldn't access any decent Western news source. I'd been on a train crossing Siberia and found out more about what was going on at home than I did in the capital of...
Everyone’s favourite unelected legislator has had an idea.
I can't drive. I've just never bothered to learn. So lets say I get my licence next month and I drive to my girlfriend's parents in south Down. Alastair Ross will be very upset if I leave for Belfast much after 8pm. Who is he to have an opinion on what time I drive home at? What right does the state have to extend the fairly reasonable restrictions on driving to such an extent? He also wants to ban me from driving my girlfriends sister anywhere for the first year. Total ban on alcohol, perhaps, but the reason zero tolerance on this doesn't work, is that small amounts of blood alcohol are (as far as I remember) naturally occurring!
Lisburn man/Larne MLA Alastair Ross really has let it go to his head. If he wants a...
OK, so Peter Robinson is going to be confirmed as the new leader of the DUP on Thursday after being selected by the party's MLAs yesterday. Nothing unexpected there. I've been waiting for the day when Paisley would finally step down and I suppose what happens next should, in theory, be interesting. So why am I so bored by it?
Peter Robinson impressed me (a little) at Finance and I've always thought he came across as much more pragmatic and sensible than his former sensei. He has a reputation as a good strategist, and it's his brains that many credit with the DUP's surpassing of the Ulster Unionists as the most popular party among unionist voters (that and keeping Paisley out of the way anyway).
He's also spoken a lot about cutting down on waste and absenteeism and sickness in the civil...
This really pissed me off. I heard on Radio 5's Drive programme in the car on the way home from work today that Prince Harry has been in Afghanistan, fighting on the front line, for 10 weeks. The media knew this and said nothing. Obviously this was necessary to protect Harry and the other soldiers working with him from becoming walking bullseyes for the Taliban.
There were complaints about the media doing a deal with the government to keep this secret. The deal was they get fairly up-close and personal to Harry in exchange for not reporting it until after he's back home. I'm not one to praise the media very often, but the fact that the whole of the British media kept this secret, I think, demonstrates that they do actually have the ability to recognise that there are one or two things...
The Patten Commission was not a pleasant experience for Unionists. The abandonment of the historic name and symbols of the RUC GC was needless, insensitive, and damaging to Unionist confidence in the political process of the time. While this was not the only negative experience to come out of Patten, what we can say is a great many of the recommendations (PDF) in the report were good ones that have improved the already high standard of policing in Northern Ireland. One of these proposals, detailed at pages 62 and 63 of the Patten report, was the civilianisation of many tasks that were being undertaken by fully trained Police Officers. Police Officers are expensive to train and retain, this training is extensive and produces an excellent public servant for the betterment of the...
A photograph of mine has been printed in today’s copy of The Ticket, the entertainment section of The Irish Times!...
Thanks to the help of my good friend, Andy, I have a nice new website for you to marvel at, with an updated portfolio.
Check it out at www.philokanephotography.com
Stay tuned for more updates over the next few weeks.
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The press and political community in Northern Ireland has been thrown into turmoil by shocking revelations involving Ian Paislely jnr MLA.
In a series of exhaustive reports both print and broadcast media have been reporting stunning allegations suggesting that, despite the Assembly being suspended, the MLA (known as “junior” or “waste of big Ian’s spunk”) had been doing part of the job he was being been paid to do.
“This makes us look like fools, ” raged “special investigations” correspondents across all of the North’s papers and press agencies. “For years we were feeding the line that these guys were a bunch of work-shy layabouts. Now we discover one of them was actually writing letters on behalf of his...
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That is, according to a study by three doctors in KS Hegde Medical Academy in Mangalore, India. The study asks: “Are lung cancers triggered by stopping smoking?”
So basically they took 312 lung cancer patients they treated during a four-year period of which 182 recently quit. They had all been smoking for more than 25 years. Theres more to it I’m sure, but the bottom line is 58% of patients had quit yet they still got lung cancer.
“A biological mechanism that protects smokers against cancer, that gets exercised and strengthened by years of diligent, heavy smoking. As in habitual marathon running, the body becomes accustomed to suffering grievous damage, and develops habitual ways to fix up whatever breaks down. The smoker’s body becomes a sort of lean,...
So rumour has it the people of the UK and Ireland like to talk about the weather a lot. I would agree with this. When its sunny, its beautiful. Most of the time its not. I don’t want to whine on about it too much, ‘cos I’m going to the sun soon anyway.
The Guardian yesterday posed the question: Is summer over? It seems that already conkers have been spotted, as well as holly berries, its cold and wet and the shops are full of summer clothes. I am still undecided on this ’summer over’ thing, though correct me if I’m wrong, is it not always cold and wet here? And since when did we determine the seasons according to when shops bring in new stock?
Plants have been tricked into thinking winter is on the way because of record high temperatures in spring,...
Sinn Fein have slammed the Government’s decision to close Post Offices in Northern Ireland, claiming that the ex-terrorist community will be hardest hit by the branch closures.
“It takes a long time for people to get ‘weaned off’ active service, and its a disgrace that the British Government is taken this decision with no idea of its impact,” said in-no-way-former-terrorist-or-terrorist-representative Francie Molloy, Sinn Fein MLA.
“Post Offices play a valuble role in isolated areas, providing a source of income and a gentle form of therapy for former volunteers who, whilst they aren’t bombing and shooting anymore, still need the thrill of holding up a counter and making off with thousands in used notes, ” he continued. “Sure its...
Diane Dodds, DUP councillor on the Shankill Road, has reacted angrily to the decision to build a block of luxury flats in the area.
“We in the upper reaches of the DUP have spent years keeping loyalist people in poverty and ignorance, ” said Mrs Dodds, who was on the way to the bank to cash her husband’s first monthly pay packet of £9166.
“After all, this is the only way they’d believe that, despite all the social deprivation in the area, the most important thing in their lives is a having a British passport. And we’ve been laughing all the way to the ballot box, and the bank, ever since!”
“When they see how well off other people in Northern Ireland are, right on their own doorsteps, they might ask whether we should have been doing...
The National Anthrax Association (NAA) has reacted furiously to suggestions that the ownership of the cattle-related disease should be subject to regulation.
Following recent tragic events, in which the use of anthrax has resulted in the deaths of many people, there have been calls for the ownership of the carnage-causing illness to be limited. The chief spore of the NAA however, Ben Moses, has insisted that the demands are the result of lily livered liberal types, whose nannying will see us all back in communist Russia.
“Having dangerous materials and being able to use them to defend myself is my constitutional right, ” he cried in his best Mount Sinai voice. “I’ll tell you the only way they’ll take my biological agents away from me. From my cold, dead...
A report published by Queens University has revealed encouraging changes in the behaviour of teenagers in Northern Ireland.
“For the past 30 years or so, our young people have been engaged in pointless and frankly worrying activities, such as engaging in politics and sectarian rioting, ” said the report’s author, Professor Mad O’Baggins.
“Recent studies, however, have shown that today’s kids have moved away from such unnatural urges, and are instead participating in healthy activities, such as experimenting with household substances and smoking dope daily. Getting stoned takes their minds off the old pastimes like stoning the police, and leads to a much more positive situation for everyone.”
“Dope slows you down and stops you...
Lord Trimble of His Own Arsehole will soon have television viewers across the UK checking the colour settings on their TV, as he gets strangely embarrassed over the slightest question for his new party, the Conservatives.
Never one to belittle his own importance or ambition, Trimble extracted himself from his nether regions to reveal that bringing his previous party to the point of annihilation has been all part of a cunning plan to get him a position within David Cameron’s Tories, where he laughably insists he won’t be rushing into a shadow cabinet post. Cameron welcomed Trimble whilst definitely not wiping a white powder away from his nose.
Trimble has been feted by the Conservative Party for years as a statesman and a kind of genius politician who rescued Northern Ireland...
The DUP’s appointment of Edwin Poots as the minister for Culture, Arts and Leisure from next month has raised some eyebrows. The biggest issue facing the culture Department is the location of the new national stadium for Northern Ireland.
Mr Poots’ position on this is quite clear. Like virtually every other big capital investment that has been proposed, Poots wants the stadium to be located in the Maze, in his constituency. He was even Chair of a development group tasked with making this happen. There have been rumours of a dirty deal between Sinn Fein and the DUP to ensure this happens, as the Shinners want a memorial to the hunger strikers to also be a part of the Maze development.
Where all this is leading has the potential to be quite worrying, not least for Sinn...
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Northern Ireland’s political parties today demonstrated the new, mature attitude we all have to politics here by revealing how the 10 government departments will be divided up between them in May.
The DUP got first pick, and it was no surprise that they took the Department for Stopping Money Getting to Nationalist Areas as the lead off. The rest of the party’s picks were a little surprising, as they opted for the Department for Giving Grants to Unionist Businessmen, the Department for Making Sure Protestant Farmers Can Flog Land For Big Prices, and the tiny Department for the Destruction of the Irish Language and GAA (Northern Ireland).
Sinn Fein got three departments. They surprised no one by once again going for the Department for the Abolition of the 11 plus and...
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http://www.everythingulster.com/blogs/index.php/everythingulster/2007/04/01/soldiers_leaving_crossmaglen_holding_heaIt was funny to watch republicans reach near orgasm over the withdrawal of the army from Crossmaglen following a job well done. Yesterday the last soldiers left the village Possibly the most amusing thing was the placard carried by some of the terrorist supporting rabble. "Intimidation, torture, murder" in capital letters adorned the middle. Ironically, that's exactly why the army came in - to put an end to the IRA's campaign of, you guessed it, intimidation, torture and murder.
Now seems an appropriate time to thank all the soldiers who served here over the decades of the troubles, doing a difficult and often thankless job in even more difficult circumstances. I'm not...
Concern is beginning to spread that the DUP may not hold together following the historic decision to share power with Sinn Fein.
The first major sign of dissent came with Jim Allister, the party’s MEP and a major player in the fantasy look-a-like community, resigning from the party. At a press conference to announce his decision, Allister seemed, barely able to control his anger. “Thieves, they’ve stolen our preciousssss union, nasty rude hobbitses, we hates them forever, gollum!”
A flurry of councillors in liberal Ballymena have also since resigned, worried that the party have been rushing to embrace Sinn Fein too quickly.
Deputy DUP leader and potential finance Minister Peadair Mhic Róibín has insisted, however, that events aren’t...
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God today claimed total credit for the breakthrough in the Northern Ireland peace process, declaring that his threats of a plague had forced political leaders to repent and amend their ways.
God, showing signs of tanning and skin damage from appearing too close to the sun, boomed out in a loud voice:
“And I hardened the hearts of the tribe of Adams who hath a beard, and the tribe of Paisley who hath a stupid fecking hat;
And I said unto them ‘Lo! If you doth not repent and forgive your enemy seven times seventy times, and suffer to speak unto them, then I shall unleash a plague of letters demanding payment for the very water which gushes so frequently from the heavens’;
And they were frightened of this wrathful and jealous God, and did spake unto each other...
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Andrew Baron has responded to the “misleading” Market Watch article saying:
“Rocketboom will always remain free and easily available to obtain. That’s our #1 foundational principle of being and I don’t ever foresee needing to change that.”"
Its not true at all. Rocketboom will remain freely available. The point I was making is that we are not happy with advertising right now. The advertisers are not being very flexible and down-to-earth and we are just not happy with the idea of mass advertising on Rocketboom. Its not ruled out, it just feels wrong so far. “
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The DUP initiated their desperate last attempts to avoid power-sharing with Sinn Fein today, by playing havoc with the laws of time and space.
Party chiefs emerged from today’s high level meeting insisting that it was actually 1991, and that IRA/Sinn Fein was still engaged in a terrorist campaign.
“We voted on this, and over 90% agreed that we are still stuck in the previous millenium,” frothed a party spokesman after the meeting. “That means no decomissioning, no ceasefires and, most important of all, no egg on our faces by claiming we have smashed Sinn Fein.”
He went on to state that, by the DUP’s calendar, the 26th of March 2007 wasn’t due to occur until some time in May.
DUP leader Ian Paisley has been bending physics for some...
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http://www.everythingulster.com/blogs/index.php/everythingulster/2007/03/16/hunger_strikers_memorial_breaks_equalityThe equality commission says Omagh District Council has breached its own equality regulations when it erected a monument to the hunger strikers, consisting of a graveyard, a tree for each hunger striker and an Irish tricolour, in the grounds of the Old Dromore Church.
The commission said that by failing to conduct a screening exercise or an equality impact assessment in relation to policies that resulted in the memorial remaining on its property for the last 4 years. To add insult to injury, the memorial was erected on land that used to belong to the Church of Ireland and the council has voted to transfer ownership of the land to the "Dromore Memorial Committee," an...
Well, we had an election that would make Donald Horowitz proud. Voters rushing to elect the staunchest people from “their” side. For all the talk of bread and butter (or should that be rates and water) politics, no one can seriously say that the massive votes for the DUP and Sinn Fein were based on Peter Robinson initiating a water review, or Gerry Adams promoting unified rates of corporation tax.
Elections in Northern Ireland are different, that much is obvious. For one thing, in other parts of Western Europe its easy to interpret exactly what an election means. An election there is a conclusion to a process. Voters know what the elected parties stand for; all they have to do then is sit back and watch the elected making a haimes of it.
Here, its different. ...
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OFFICIAL ELECTION COMMUNICATION
The Electoral Commission of Northern Ireland has asked all media outlets to issue the following guidance. The purpose is to remind voters of their obligations when going to vote in today’s election.
Remember that the polls are only open from 7am-10pm. If you are voting in multiple polling stations, the Roads Service have asked that you plan your route so there isn’t a hurry after 9pm, to lessen possible road accidents
Please remember to bring your photo ID. If the nice man/woman canvassing at your door offers to vote for you, at least make sure they bear a passing resemblance to your photo ID.
Voting twice at the same polling station is discouraged, but not impossible. Remember that there will be changes of staff at...
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Northern Ireland’s four main political parties are due to stun the world by issuing a joint letter, in which all of them agree and believe.
The letter will basically be one long begging plea to Gordon Brown not to leave them in the shit, running a tired, over-administrated part of the world with absolutely no infrastructure and no funds to put it right. This could damage the popularity of people who’ve never said anything other than “No” or “Brits out”, leaving the public wondering why they’d bothered to elect any of the jokers in the first place.
They will also have the audacity to claim that they deserve to be rewarded with more public funds for simply doing the job they’ve been paid to do for almost ten years now - form an executive...
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After weeks of waiting, the election campaign finally got SEXED up today, with SEX becoming an election issue!
Seasoned hacks got hot under the collar as a group of women shared a platform, and began to freely and frankly discuss SEX, causing newspaper editors to sweat at the mere thought that, at last, they’d be able to put SEX into their headlines, hopefully doubling sales amongst Norn Iron’s randy readership.
“There’s not enough wimmen standing for election in this place,” droned a spokeswoman for the Women into Politics group, failing to see the irony in her whinging whilst not standing herself. “Maybe if more women were involved, things would be different around here,” she concluded, showing scant regard for crease-free shirts amongst...
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Fears are growing that leader of the DUP and expected future First Minister, “Dr” Ian Paisley, may not survive long enough to see the results of Wednesday’s Northern Ireland Assembly poll.
There has been a marked difference in Mr Paisley’s style during this campaign, as the once booming demagogue has reined in his louder, less tolerant instincts to portray himself as a respectable statesman. And concern is mounting amongst doctors that the change may have fatal consequences for the Rev.
“Throughout Big Ian’s life, he has been healthily releasing the foul bile, constantly building up inside him as a result of his crazed paranoid worldview, in a serious of condescending, vitriolic attacks on anyone who doesn’t agree with and worship...
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With all the uncertainty surrounding whether or not democratically accountable government is going to return after the election on Wednesday, there was at least one piece of concrete news that should benefit Northern Ireland no matter what happens on Wednesday.
Phil “The Power” Taylor, Permatan Peter Hain’s chief advisor, is leaving Norn Iron to do his master’s bidding in the much more important Labour Deputy Leadership Contest. Old Permatan is bound to be leaving here when Brown gets in no matter what happens, and even if he loses the Deputy Leadership contest (which at the moment looks probable) his future surely likes back in Britain, and Taylor will be over there preparing the way.
The Power has been a disaster for democracy in Northern Ireland. He has...
The Irish Government has weighed into the NI Assembly election campaign in the best possible way, by promising us all great wads of cash.
“Selling out has had a bad rap in the North over the years, even in this election from both hardline Unionists and Republicans, ” said an Irish Government spokesman in his gold shoes today. “But we aim to change their minds and prove that, hey, it ain’t so bad.”
“Look at all these lovely lovely Euros, ” he continued, slapping back hundreds of greedy hands with a designer silk whip, complete with diamond encrusted handle. “Ah ah, ye’s know what ye have to do if ye want this…” he teased unnecessarily.
No major political parties have yet commented on the proposals, not even the...